Pumping is breastfeeding too

 

The @WHO says that, “Mothers and babies form an inseparable biological and social unit; the health and nutrition of one group cannot be divorced from the health and nutrition of the other.” And yet somehow I had to justify the need to pump milk at work.

Anyway, based on my extensive experience of pumping for a full 3 months this time around, :-) I have come up with 10 tips that moms like me could use. Please note these are tips that I have concluded based on my experience and may be different from what might work for you. 

🍼Invest in a good hands free pumping/nursing bra.  Trust me ladies, you want those hands free so you can catch up on reading or watching a show, or eating, or taking a power nap.  

🍼 Pump when you feel full (for me it is usually every 4 hours or so now). Initially I pumped every 2 hours when Veer slept for longer or else fed him on demand. I knew I had to go back to work as my maternity leave was only 12 weeks and didn't want the transition to be difficult for him so I started pumping and introduced the bottle to him slowly with each feed. 

🍼 When exclusively pumping, pump at least once in the night if milk supply is less. For me, I pump right before I sleep and then first thing in the morning (which is usually a 6 hours gap). 

🍼 Every drop counts, and don't be hard on yourself if you pumped more or else in one session. Trust me if you feel stressed it is going to affect your milk supply. Try to have happy thoughts, try thinking about your baby. Being distracted is better than being overly focused on the level in the bottle.

🍼 Pump a couple extra times on the weekend if you can. As I see patients most days, I have to follow a very strict 30 minute pump and eat schedule while at work and have to stop pumping even if I am not done coz my patients are waiting. Knowing that I have a little extra from the weekend on reserve makes my work-week pumping sessions less stressful.

🍼 Leave a pump at work if you can. To be honest I am still working on this one coz I have still not found my perfect fit. I lug around my breast pump but I have one from Laksh's time that I am planning to leave at work once my full time location is settled.

🍼 Wash parts with warm water and air dry in between sessions while at work and once you get home wash with soap and water and run it in a sterilizer. You can also store the parts in the fridge while at work in a ziplock bag if there is no access to water, but make sure you clean thoroughly when you home.

🍼 Store the milk using something called the 'bricking'. It is a life changer and I only learned about it through another mom a few weeks back. It saves so much space and is super efficient to keep track of the dates.

🍼 Write words of encouragement, note to your future self, or something that seems like a big dilemma to you right now on the storage bag, and see how you feel about it when you do end up using the milk. 

And last but not least, 

🍼 Remember, exclusively pumping is also breastfeeding. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  

First day of school 2020

Yesterday was the Laksh’s first day of school. We had imagined the first day of school to be so different than what actually happened. 

We imagined packing lunches and picking out outfits. We imagined taking a bus ride with his peers. We imagined  lots of hugs and tears. We imagined a group to 3 year olds playing and learning together. We imagined a super excited Laksh returning home after spending his very first day in school. Harry Wong rightly said, “The most important day of a person’s education is the first day of school, not Graduation Day.” We wanted everything to go perfectly on his first day to school. 

Instead, due to the pandemic and our decision to let Laksh learn remotely for now to keep him, baby Veer and others in our house safe, this is what the first day of school looked like. Instead of taking a bus ride we walked to the living room table. Instead of packing lunch we packed our ass on the chair and instead of learning together, 3 year old kids struggled to stay in one place while looking at their screens. But through this all, Laksh’s excitement to learn remained the same. 

Laksh has always been curious and intrigued by new things and eager to learn about them. I hope my darling this excitement always remains the same. I wish you learn and grow as you are meant to and may you have an inclusive and loving support system wherever you go. May you always be seen as Laksh and not as a diagnosis. Spread your wings and fly my baby, you are meant to soar through the skies. 

#livelifelakshsize 

Post Partum depression

Don’t want to take anything away from the seriousness of what happened with Nima, but it has been weighing heavily on me. Writing this post has been very very difficult for me and I am not sure if i should ever share this but I’m trying to #breakthestigma4nima so please hear me out.

This is a photo of me on 06/06/2020 seconds after Veer made his grand entry. I felt every emotion that I could possibly imagine, I felt happiness, relief, joy, anxiety, fear, excitement and so much more.

I was happy because he was finally here and scared because he was finally here, in the middle of a global pandemic. I remember with Laksh, things we so different because he spent the first two months of his life in the NICU. Tomorrow Veer will be two months old so I felt I needed to share this.

I am not sure what I feel Is #postpartumdepression or anxiety because of the current state of the world. I felt something similar when Laksh was born as well and there was no pandemic then. I felt guilt, I felt anxiety, I felt sad, I felt inadequate, I felt disgust, I felt ugly, I felt like I had failed my son. And I thought I felt all that because he was in the NICU for little over 2 months and somehow that happened because of me.

But by the grace of God, Veer has been here with us every single day of the two months  that Laksh had spent in the NiCU and our boys with be with us forever more, but I still feel these feelings. I still feel like I am not enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel this all the time but I do feel these feelings of inadequacy. I feel anger and frustration and irritability for small little things. I felt shame when answering the questionnaire my OB made me fill regarding #ppd becasue I didn’t want to acknowledge I felt those feelings. That me, an educated person who has her sh*t together is feeling like she is lost. 

But my question is why? Why do we feel the need to hide our mental well being from the world? Why do we feel that we would be labeled as ‘not fit mothers’ if we say we are struggling? Why do we feel shame in asking for help? 

As south Asians specially, mental health is such a stigma and never discussed openly. People throw around the word ‘ I am depressed’ without truly understanding what it means or how debilitating it truly can be. 

Today sharing about these feelings has felt like a difficult but much needed step for me but I’m doing this because I hope it helps someone feeling the same way reach out and ask for help.